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Writer's pictureLee Shainis

Fluffy or Brief?

Updated: Sep 17

We often make our written communication longer than it needs to be.


When the goal of your communication is to inform your audience, most audiences prefer brevity. Nobody ever said to me that they prefer longer, fluffier communication that could have been 50% shorter and conveyed the same message.


See this 1-minute video and read about 7 examples I see frequently. 




I see many letters from government agencies, nonprofits, schools, soccer clubs, and others with stuff like:

"We are reaching out today to give you an update about all the things we are doing to keep your kids safe at our school and in our district". 

It should say, "Here are ways we keep your kids safe."

 

I have thousands of real examples of unnecessary words. Many are little examples, but removing little things can reduce our text 20%-80% without changing the message or tone. 

 

Here are 7 things I see often that you should almost never write:

  1. We are excited to announce that we are… 

    If it's in writing, you're announcing it. Delete that. 


  2. Our program is designed to offer…

    Our program offers... Nobody cares what it's designed, aims, strives, is committed or dedicated to do. Say what you do with confidence. There is one exception I discuss in my training. 


  3. We are writing to inform you about

    Delete.


  4. Please note that…. or It should be noted that

    Delete. If it's in writing, it should be worth noting. 


  5. As you may have heard…

    Delete. If you want your audience to know you've already informed them about something, say that clearly. 


  6. Please take a moment to complete…

    Delete.


  7. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact us.

    Please contact us with questions. 


We often think our audience wants soft and "friendly" written communication. If you aren’t sure what your audience prefers, ask them. For most people, concise is friendly. 

 

When people hear that I train organizations to make communication shorter and clearer, they share their frustrations about the long communication they receive. Usually, they don’t share those frustrations with the organizations they complain about, so those organizations continue to be unaware, and nothing changes. 

 

More people need to talk about this. 

 

To maintain a positive tone, minimize fluff. Use only what you need to convey your positive tone. Start with “I hope you’re well!” and then share important content. Don't start with “I hope you’re enjoying this time with family and friends and having a chance to relax and blah blah blah” and bury important messages in the 5th paragraph.  

 

If you’re writing to an individual, it’s different. Something personal can be appreciated and build a deeper connection. For example: “I hope your daughter’s game went well!” 

 

Please share this with others. If we spread this movement, the organizations you're complaining about are more likely to get training and make changes 😎 


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