Shift the Responsibility – Don’t ask “Do you understand?”

If I write something or say something and you don’t understand what I say or write, is that my fault or your fault? Who is responsible? 

Usually, the responsibility to understand is more often on the receiver, not the communicator. Whether it’s a conversation at a staff meeting or information being sent by a local government or school district to community members, we put responsibility on the audience to understand. 

Often, we don’t empathize and consider what might be difficult for our audience to understand. Will they understand that acronym? Will they know what we mean by the “education ecosystem”? Will this be easier to read if it’s bulleted rather than long sentences with lots of commas? 

To shift equity and inclusion, we must shift responsibility and power when it comes to communication. 

When people don’t understand, they often feel excluded, confused, misinformed, or ashamed. If English isn’t your primary language, you feel that your English isn’t good enough. 

The speaker often continues, unaware of the listener’s feelings because they didn’t speak up. Even people with PhDs experience this shame and don’t speak up.

When you ask someone “Do you understand me?”, you put the responsibility on the listener. Most will respond yes even if they don’t understand because they feel shame. 

A different way of asking that puts responsibility on the speaker, is “How clearly am I explaining____?” 

If you don’t understand me, there’s something wrong with me, not with you.   

If you’re writing, ask a few people from your audience to tell you what was easy or difficult to understand before you send it to the whole audience. That way you can take responsibility and make changes. 

A friend who took English classes for 10 years and learned English beautifully was working at a hospital. One day she asked, “Lee, when am I going to understand my coworkers? How much more English do I need to learn?” 

My response was, “You’ve done your job. Your English is great. You understand me 100%. THEY need education to adapt, be aware, and use language that’s easy for people from different language backgrounds to understand.”  

Many English learners can understand more than you think they can. How much they understand depends on you. 

Never assume people don’t understand you because that can feel condescending. Notice facial expressions, body language, or if they aren’t asking questions or contributing to the conversation.

Not being understood is worse than not understanding someone.